Description

My Psycho-Spiritual Journey Towards Union with God

I am Fr. Theophilus, a Salesian of Don Bosco, currently enrolled in a diploma program in Human Development, Leadership, Formation, and Community Building at the Institute of Saint Anselm in Ciampino, Italy. I first heard about this course through a confrere who had previously completed the program. He shared how profoundly it had impacted his life, emphasizing the importance of living in process—that is, fully embracing the here and now.

After completing my licentiate in Dogmatic Theology at the Pontifical Gregorian University, and in agreement with my superiors, I was sent to this institute to better prepare myself for the mission ahead. Much of my prior formation had been highly content-based, focusing on theology and intellectual development. However, here at Saint Anselm, the emphasis is on a process-based formation—one that integrates self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and spiritual growth. It uses the integrative approach of body, mind and spirit. It focuses attention on monitoring our thought, emotion, attitude, behaviour and desire, and responding to them constructively.

For over 40 years, this institute has provided specialized training for leaders, formators, and facilitators who bear the great responsibility of accompanying others in their personal and spiritual development. Pope John Paul II, in Pastores Dabo Vobis, highlighted the crucial role of human formation:

“The whole work of priestly formation would be deprived of its necessary foundation if it lacked a suitable human formation… The human formation of the priest shows its special importance when related to the receivers of the mission: In order that his ministry may be humanly as credible and acceptable as possible, it is important that the priest should mould his human personality in such a way that it becomes a bridge and not an obstacle for others in their meeting with Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of humanity.” (PDV 43)

This underscores the necessity of emotional maturity, interpersonal skills, and self-awareness—not only for seminarians but also for religious brothers and sisters, who are called to radiate Christ’s presence through their humanity. But this raises an important question: Are our current formation processes truly considering this? Are the humanity and emotional well-being of priests and religious in Nigeria bridges to Christ, or, due to unresolved personal wounds, do they sometimes become obstacles?

Fr. Len Kofler, the founding director of this institute, once said:

“To guide others, we must first know ourselves. It is virtually impossible to understand the psychological, emotional, and spiritual processes of others until we understand something of our own. Knowing ourselves—understanding why we function the way we do, why we feel the emotions we feel, and how to change what needs to be changed—gives us a secure base from which to support others with the compassionate challenge and care necessary for their spiritual and personal growth.”

This insight resonates deeply with me. Self-awareness is fundamental to both personal and spiritual development. This awareness enables us to live a well-integrated life that takes into consideration every dimension of our lives. The desire of God for every man is to have life in its abundance (Cf Jn 10:10) and such life is that which is fully integrated. That is exactly the invitation of St. Paul when he says:

“May the God of peace Himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Thess 5:23). This is St Paul’s invitation to live in process, to live our life fully, the life of grace that we have received, to live in the continuous presence of God, loving and serving with our whole self. That self which takes into consideration all the wounds in the unconscious and conscious self and integrates them with the higher self.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

Our society places immense value on intellectual quotient (IQ) while giving very little attention to emotional quotient (EQ). However, true integration—the holistic growth that St. Paul speaks of—remains largely overlooked. This realization has profoundly impacted my journey.

Daniel Goleman, in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (1995), states:

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand—if you don’t have self-awareness, if you can’t manage your distressing emotions, if you lack empathy and effective relationships—then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

Through this program, I have become aware of the unhealed wounds from my childhood and adolescence that continue to shape my present experiences. My strong sense of justice and desire to be assertive, for instance, often manifests as aggressiveness. I’ve had to ask myself:

• How do I manage my anger so that it does not interfere with my vocation to witness God’s love and mercy?

• How do I develop the courage to embrace the daily challenges of ministry without being conditioned by the fears I’ve carried as defence mechanisms throughout life?

• How do I free myself from the guilt that lingers from past losses—whether of loved ones, ministries, or friendships?

One of the greatest gifts of this program has been learning to accept my vulnerability.

Embracing my wounds and become a Wounded Healer

Henri Nouwen, in The Wounded Healer, highlights the need for formators and leaders to embrace their struggles and vulnerabilities to connect more deeply with those they serve. He writes:

“Nobody escapes being wounded. We all are wounded people—whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not ‘How can we hide our wounds so we don’t have to be embarrassed?’ but ‘How can we put our woundedness into the service of others?’”

This aligns perfectly with St. Paul’s words: “When I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor 12:10)

Paul invites us to embrace our weaknesses and allow God’s strength to work within us. Recognizing our limitations opens us to growth and enables us to become more compassionate toward others who are also wounded.

At first, these concepts felt foreign to me. I struggled in the early months of the program, feeling like it was a waste of time to revisit childhood experiences for healing. But I came to understand that Jesus first healed Peter’s mother-in-law before she could serve (Mark 1:31). Likewise, my own healing is essential before I can truly be at the service of others.

Being in process, living in the Present Moment, and being in the presence of God

This journey has helped me grow in self-awareness, particularly in understanding my thoughts, expectations, and emotions, and how they shape my interactions with others. It has also taught me to be open to feedback and to focus on living in the present moment—which is all I truly have.

No longer do I allow my past to dictate my present, nor do I let anxiety about the future rob me of the now. Instead, I strive to live fully in God’s presence, becoming more attuned to the Holy Spirit within me. This is not a one-time achievement but an ongoing process of deepening my relationship with God.

An Ongoing Journey

My psycho-spiritual journey is far from over. There will never be a moment when I can say, I have arrived. Every day, every experience presents a new opportunity to grow. My goal is to continue walking this path—free to love, free to serve, and free to be truly myself in Christ. The programme has equipped me with tools to continue my psycho-spiritual journey.